Celebrations

I stopped everything on Wednesday and celebrated my birthday! I spent the day doing one of my most favorite things in the world...sitting at the beach staring into the deep blue (sometimes brown) ocean. New Years and birthdays seem to be the unofficial expected time of reflection. It's the time of new paths, about-faces, make-overs and the ever fateful resolutions. I did none of those. I simply celebrated. We move so fast in the world and we are so goal oriented that sometimes we forget to just celebrate! Or when we do celebrate we turn it into a task. For instance, if your in the political arena birthdays are really fundraisers; if you in the business arena birthdays are really status setters. Suddenly your birthday is about inviting the 'right' people to the 'right' place with hopes of getting the 'right' opportunity out of it. I am usually guilty of that, but this year, I just stopped and celebrated. To say I am thankful to see another birthday is an understatement. I can never forget in 2006 during a routine gyno check up the doctor was fairly certain she discovered cancer cells in my ovaries. But thank be to God, numerous tests later proved the doctor wrong. Things could have been so different! There is so much that I am thankful for; so I took a pause and celebrated life! I moved into a new era; I'm older, but wiser; aged but beautiful; slower in acting but thoughtful in doing. I am still me, just more refined, certainly refreshed and always renewed!

The Soul

I'm one of those people that believes a whole person consist of mind, body and soul. So far for my body, I exercise daily, I don't eat any process foods, I drink plenty of water and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. For my mind, I do rather strange mental exercises, I read regularly, I write regularly and I give myself plenty opportunity to just THINK. I also take care of my soul. I grew up Christian so I've always been involved in the church, but being involved in the church doesn't really satisfy the soul. For me is it having my own personal relationship with God, even if its a bit nontraditional. Although I believe in free will, its comforting for me to know that God is truly in control of my life. More than going to church regularly I make time to get to know my spiritual being. I speak positive words into my life and that of my family and I pray. I believe whole-heartily that as I do my part and make good decisions God will heal me. I know in this politically correct world that we live in now this all seems strange and old fashion-but for me taking care of my soul is just as important as taking care of my body.

I love gospel music, and I love the old spirituals. I can't tell you how many times the right gospel song will come on and suddenly I feel strong enough to make it through another day! I can't tell you how many times I've prayed for strength and God granted it to me. This is not a pitch for conversion-it's just what has absolutely worked for me. As my fellow church-goers would say...."My life is a living Testimony!"

Auntie Flow Visits & My Mental excercise

Approximately 15 days or so after starting my new personal (natural) program to balancing my hormones I got my period. I haven't had a normal period since April! It's a bitter sweet visit. Like most women I don't usually jump for joy when Auntie comes to town and this time was no exception. The other thing is if your a woman hoping even slightly to get pregnant the sight of Aunt Flow is a stinging slap in the face. However, this time her visit also brought an added importance- an indication that my body is normalizing. This is what I keep repeating to myself, not only because its true, but because it helps me to turn my focus from what is happening now. Everyone knows we live in a microwave society and we have no patience to wait a minute for what we want. Lately I force myself to be conscience of my impatience. Not only in childbearing, but in every aspect of my life. It's a good mental exercise. There are days that I literally make myself use the stove-top instead of the microwave just to prove to myself that I did not lose anything. (the only thing that I lost was some unnecessary radiation exposure). I don't allow myself to read the ending of the book before reading the whole book (a practice that I am very fond of ). Previously, to get myself motivated to run, I envisioned the end of the run-now I make myself envision every step of the run. So what's the point of all of this? I don't really know, except I remember when my hubby and I were dating (over the Internet- see why i like my online doctors!) Anyway, when hubby and I were dating, it wasn't the wedding day that I kept looking forward too. Our relationship was so unusual (and amazing) that I had no choice but to focus on every moment. My husband and I defied distance, culture and pretty much reasonable logic to be together. During those times, if all I was thinking about was a wedding day I would have missed out on a amazing courtship. All of that to say, that my mental exercise is to actually live through life-not fast forward through! Even if that means I have to feel the pain sometimes. So here's to welcoming Auntie Flow, though not glad, I am really okay about her being here!

Like Prof. Gates, I don't journey alone

Henry Louis Gates, a renowned professor at Harvard gets arrested for disorderly conduct in his own home. The media and the public have weighed in heavily about what role race may have played in this incident. But what was most interesting to me is that President Obama also weighed in. His comments started with letting the public know, unequivocally that Prof Gates, (who the President referred to as Skip) is a friend. In other words, he is saying"that's my boy and I have his back!" Prof. Gates is getting support of a high kind. No matter how the police officer tried to humiliate him, his friendships will help him overcome everything. So ask yourself, who has your back? Who are your friends that won't let advisers, or politics prevent them from weighing in on you behalf? Technology can make it easier or harder to cultivate human relationships, its up to each individual to decide. But be certain of this, we all need someone. Prof. Gates' position at Harvard, his degrees and impeccable reputation did not keep him from cultivating relationships and friendships-people who now stand solidly with him.

This has me thinking about my own friendships. I am blessed to have people in my life that have my back. I have friends and family who keep me encouraged and prayed up, and who, no matter what, will stand with me. When doctors first told me that they didn't think I could have children, my friends and family told me otherwise. It is when you are in trouble that you know who your true friends are. I am thankful that I have so many people; starting with my amazing husband, parents, my sis-in-laws, bros, my pastor and inner circle of friends keep me believing that the best is yet to come. When I do I have my children, I am looking forward to having all these people around me celebrating - my journey would not be the same without them- it's the best feeling to know that I don't journey alone.

The way I see things

It's been about 11days since I started my personalized plan. Eating fresh vegetables and fruits daily and eliminating carbs forces me to cook regularly. Cooking regularly gives my husband and I more opportunity to sit at the table and eat together which is BEAUTIFUL. But cooking regularly also forces me to plan our meals and allows me to think about the health of my family. What's my point? Well this personalized plan started out being solely about me, yet it has become so much more in so many different ways. I started this journey because a doctor told me that I was a broken woman and I set out to prove him wrong . Now I find myself understanding that everyday brings about something more meaningful in my life. It's no longer about proving anything to some know-nothing doctor; it's not even about what I want. The way I see things, (must be all the carrots I'm eating) I just want the best of me to show daily and if I am so blessed to bring out the best in others too...well what more can I ask for?

My online doctor called...

Yesterday my online doctor called, (actually she was a nurse), she called to see how my program was working and how I felt. Seriously, when is the last time your doctor called you and asked you how YOU felt??? Don' worry I won't keep harping about our health care system. Anyway I was blown away by the call. She asked me a few questions and we had a nice little chat. I asked her about cereal (no shock there!). I wanted to make sure I really, really couldn't have any. Turns out that I could have a little bit, once in a while, if it is whole grain and organic. The only problem is I have never known myself to have just a little cereal! I think I will continue to to stay away, there is not point in tempting myself.

The nurse and I discussed the amount of progress I've made on the personalized program. I described to her some of the positive changes I am starting to feel in my body. It was interesting to have someone who barely new me so invested in my progress. She was pleased to know that I was following the program religiously and I was pleased that she even cared. I just have to say I haven't received that kind of treatment for a doctors office in a long, long, long time (if ever)! Life's journey really is interesting... you just never know where your answers may come from. Keep an open mind people. God has a way of opening doors that you didn't even know existed!

Maintaining on the Road

Setting good habits is hard. Once set, its hard to keep and maintain those good habits. For me, to make this complete change in eating; including counting carbs, reading the labels on EVERYTHING to make sure their is no corn syrup and fructose, hydrogenated and other 'foreign substances' was particular challenging. My success in the past two-weeks is because I set a strict schedule for myself. I wake up at 6 am, pray and meditate, go for my 30 minute run; eat oatmeal or eggs, take my vitamins and herbal supplements, then start my day. Of course I don't always stick to the schedule, but having it and keeping it visible gives me a constant goal to reach. I have found that for every time that I achieve the schedule, I am more likely to meet it again the next day.

This weekend is a whole new challenge. I am taking a quick trip and will be away from home for a few days. So far my success of maintaining my eating habits is 60 (good)/40 (bad). For dinner last night, I had a garden salad with grill chicken (good) and a handful of french fries (bad). For a snack a had some raisins, but I didn't read the label in time to realize that they were high in sugar content. I did take my vitamins, but didn't run.

Today is a new day. So far I had my oatmeal and took my vitamins and I am getting ready to do my run. I am learning how to maintain even when away. There are more temptations on the road but my determination is getting stronger. The idea is not to tie my success to what's around me, but instead to what is in me. Whether I am here or there I need to constantly make good decisions and maintain good eating habits...my health (and that of my children) depend on it!

Body Knowledge

I grew up Haitian. Therefore the extent of my health education was don't let a boy touch you. Period. Back in the day Haitian parents did not believe in taking their daughters to the gynecologist out of fear that the gyno would 'accidentally' take their daughters virginity away. Seriously, that is what they honestly believed.

Things of course have changed now. My mom and I both see, in hindsight, that my hormones were always off from the beginning. In the early years of my menstruation, I remember my periods being very irregular. I just assumed that that was normal. Interestingly enough my mother was great at making sure we had yearly physicals. Without fail, there was a question either asked verbally or in one of the many forms we filled out, if i had regular, irregular or no periods. Year after year I responded irregular. Yet no one ever raised a red flag, took any further test or urged my mom to take me to a specialist. I am not blaming anyone, I am simply pointing out that our health care system needs reforming. I know Congress and the President are getting ready for a show down on health care and a lot of politicking is about to take place. However let us keep in perspective that lives and quality of life are at stake. If you have never been sick, or if you have a private doctor that is willing to spend more then 15minutes in consultation with you, you may not understand the urgency. But if you have ever for even 5 minutes felt like your doctor could care less whether you ever get to hold your own baby or felt like your doctor, hospital or clinic identified you as a disease rather than as a person, you would know and you would understand that we do need health care reform.

However reform starts at home. I am on a new tip of getting to know my body. There are habits that can make us sick. There are foods that can make us well. And we get to decide which path to take. No matter how great our health system, doctors and hospitals become we are still the first line of defense. Each individual must take some responsibility for their health. There are a few basic things that you can do to help your body: exercise regularly, eat lots of fruits and veggies!

Going through PCOS, I've learned that you can reclaim power over your health. Sure sacrifices have to made and it may take time to undo bad habits; but take a step today. Do it for you!
Here's to body knowledge, living healthy and health care reform!!! hip- hip hooray!!!

Running

I've been running since middle school. It's always been my thing. My own escape. Running is the one thing I've never had a reason for doing. I didn't run for my parents, I didn't run for fame, I didn't run to achieve something. Its just always been my freedom. Lately I've learned that all my running has been helpful to my ovaries; helpful to my hormones, helpful to my weight. It should have been good news. I should have seen some glimmer of light in a darken tunnel of bad news. But instead I felt a cherry seed of bitterness. Running was the one thing I could do whenever I wanted or not do at all. But things have changed. Now I have to run everyday for a least 30 minutes. Its part of the nutritional plan, its part of getting over this PCOS; it's part of balancing my hormones. But is it still part of me?

This is day 5 of HAVING to run. I hate it. My thoughts seem as obligated as my body. I'm trying to get back to those days when I was excited to take stride after stride. I miss the feeling of racing the wind; and I miss the feeling in my lungs that seem constantly ready for more strides and more speed. Now I am running to check the box.

This is truly a new journey for me.

Oh God, I can't have CEREAL!!!

My new nutritional plan excludes cereal. CEREAL. My absolutely FAVORITE meal. (The all caps is not just drama, I really LOVE cereal.) But I can't have it now, so I am taking a deep breath and moving on. I am sure there is some deeper philosophical lesson here-something about the thing you love the most could be what is killing you! Too Deep? Anyway, the medical doctors (not the ones on the Internet) diagnose me with PCOS, polycystic ovary syndrome. Basically he says my hormones are completely imbalanced and its messing with my ovaries, which is messing with, according to him, with my reproduction system. For some reason carbs mess with my hormones. My nutritional plan teaches me how to really, really reduce carbs. I also can't eat anything processed (which doesn't take a genius to know that if it comes in a can, and can last forever it can't be good!). More then low carbs, I need to eat fruits and veggies (again nothing earth shattering). Don't be fooled it really is a life style change. This morning I had 1 egg and whole grain english muffin. Last night I had pea and carrot soup. At lunch today I wrapped turkey bacon in lettuce and downed it with some water. Have you ever read the back of a juice label? Let's just say, corn syrup is not a fruit!

I know that all these changes won't give me children, only God gives children, (in His time) but I have to do my part. Sorry cereal, but I have to do my part.

The Medication Arrived

I'm on new meds. Their herbal and natural. I've always believed natural is the way to go. I still prayed over them though (something I learned from my parents) you just don't eat food or take medicine without praying over them in my family! Anyway, my new medication arrived with a nutritional plan and a long list of what-not-to-eat. Suddenly as I sat there in my living room reading through instructions, and directions I felt overwhelmed by it all. It dawned on me that the freedom to eat what I pleased, is over. I now have to read labels!!! I've always hated reading labels. What difference does it make how many calories, carbs, fats something had if you ate it in moderation? Apparently a ton of difference,-say my internet doctors. Before you start thinking that I must be going out of my mind for consulting a doctor (or nurse) via the internet, you should know that I learned more from my internet doctor than all the doctor visits I've had in the last year! Don't get me wrong, I am not encouraging anyone to forsake their biweekly doctor visits for the internet, am just saying this clinic that I have found on the internet, though miles from me, gave me more compassion and understanding then all the local doctor's visit I've had. But that's not what is important. What is in important is I am on a journey towards healing. And where I currently find myself is reading labels. Reading labels to learn what is harmful, and to learn what is helpful. For some this might sound easy, but for me it's deep.