Diet no more

A lot of people have been asking me how the diet is going. The answer is surprisingly well! I mean really well. They say if you do something consistently for 15 days in becomes a habit. Well who ever 'they' are, they're right. I don't feel like I'm on a diet anymore. Low carbs is simply how I eat. For instance this morning I had egg-green peppers, hot peppers and Gorgonzola cheese omelet wrapped in wheat pita, accompanied by half a glass of orange juice. It was nutritious and delicious! For lunch I made a spinach salad and I will pick up a natural juice of carrots, beets, spinach and grapefruit from my favorite juice place in DC. It's a place called juice joint located on K and 15th- it's pricey but worth it. For snack I will have some nuts or some fruit and for dinner I will make brown rice with curry chicken breast. I've lost weight since changing my eating habits and generally feel really good. The only thing I'm worried about is not losing too much weight. During Thanksgiving I will see my nutritionist (who is also my sister in law) and determine a healthy weight for my age and height. For those of you who are wondering if I will return to a doctor that I can actually see and who can see me, as oppose to the consultation via email, the answer is yes. I have some great recommendations and I will make an appointment to see someone likely before the year is over.  Have great day all!

New Post, New Rules, New Reasons

My last post was September 4th.  I could say that I was busy with work and side projects.  But that would be untrue.  The reason that I have not written a post is because this journey is so personal and emotional, putting it out there for the world leaves me vulnerable-and that is scary.  However lately I have been thinking that this journey is not just about me.  Many women are going through some difficult situations and I want them to know that they are not alone. 

So my new commitment is that I will write at least twice a week without fail or excuse.  As always I will remain truthful in my post.  I will also do more to spread the blog out (going beyond my family) so that it can reach and change the lives of others.

Having said all that, I guess I should give a quick update on how I've been since September 4!  Well, my period did come in September and I was happy.  I had no cramps and I was genuinely thankful that it had come. My period also came in October.  Although I had very little cramps I was an emotional mess! I cried.  I cried partly because the cruelness of premenstrual symptoms mirrors early pregnancy symptoms and I cried because I didn't know what else to do.  Up until that point I felt like I had a game plan...doctor visits, change diet, take vitamins. But suddenly I am at a place where I feel I have done all that I can do.  Like the song says, at that point all you can do is stand.  Of course the Big God I serve always comes through in the midst of any despair and dried up my tears as quickly as they came.   I also had yet another opportunity to draw closer to my husband.  Our love continues to grow so strong-we are truly one flesh and our love has no limits.  So as ONE flesh, serving ONE God we STAND.

letting go...

I didn't get a period in August, so September will be a big indication of whether my personal program is working. I feel really good both emotionally and physically, so my change in diet and my vitimines have definatly been useful, but its probably to early to tell if it has affected the pcos. I know now that I have truly let go and have relaxed because I feel completely unmoved. I am still struggling with the diet a bit. Not being able to have sweets really makes me sad. I really miss chocolate! The fruits and vegtables I don't mind. In fact I am being really creative with the veggies. But it not having any dessert what so ever that makes me sad. However, I am letting it go. Letting it all go....

Home Remedies

My parents came to visit me this weekend and bought with them some home remedies to help me get pregnant! Being Haitian they are strong advocates of natural herbal remedies. Basically I spent the weekend drinking a lot of tea. Not your normal tea that comes in a tea bag but literally leaves from trees (or bushes). We still have family in Haiti so my parents requested certain types of herbs. One is to help remove the cyst on my ovaries and the other is to help me ovulate. Quite frankly I simply felt like I was eating grass-but I indulged my mother, after all, I've tried my own home remedies. At least my parents herbs have some sort of proven basis, my home remedies is just my imagination over reacting! For example, the time I have tried to stand on my head, in an attempt to assist the sperm to get to the right place! So yeah, drinking some tea leaves is certainly not that bad!!! A little bitter, but certainly not bad

Body Temp

Today is the 20th of August and my body temperature has not changed from the 1st of August. Remember that a woman's temperature rises when she ovulates and stays elevated if she is pregnant. (Aren't you impressed with how much I know...I'm practically a doctor!) Anyway, each day I chart my body temperature. Well to be honest, charting would entail me writing it down, I just merely remember what the numbers are. This month is has been rather easy to remember my temperature since it has not changed. 96.7. Every morning so far! I even make my husband keep the air conditioning off just to see if I can have just a little change in temperature! But no, morning after morning -no matter what I do-96.7. A year ago, I would make myself feel better emotionally by eating chocolate- and lots of it. But now I am in a really good place spiritually and emotionally so no chocolate. Although the chocolate chip cookies my mother baked doesn't make this easy-I am not going to fall off the bandwagon. Dedication? Well in part, but mostly my new program has given me renewed focus to view my life holistically and I don't want to give that up. Besides, when you view your life holistically it's difficult to fixate on the things that aren't working. One thing I know is that there is so much good in my life. So yeah at 96.7, I'm cool!

The What if's...

I came down with a sudden case of the 'what if's syndrome'. What is that you ask? Well the 'what if's syndrome' is when you begin to view everything you do as if it's going to fail. But instead of coming out and just telling yourself its going to fail, you ASK yourself what happens if it does fail. So this weekend, as I was eating yet another carb-less meal, the 'what if's syndrome' came on full force. I stopped mid fork and wondered..."what if this program doesn't work?" I immediately put the question out of my mine and pressed forward. That was Friday. Saturday morning my 'what if's were right there to wake me up. I jumped out of bed and randomly open to a scripture..any scripture. I don't even know what I found or what I read because my 'what ifs' were so strong I couldn't see what I was reading. I took my temperature hoping to see an increase. A women's temperature increases when she has ovulated and stays high when she is pregnant. But my temp on Sat seemed normal. I took a deep breath and decided to make my already busy day busier. I went from meeting to meeting keeping my thoughts at bay. But that night as I passed up some Dominoes sandwiches and I diligently took my vitamins my 'what if's' came back like a flood. I simply went to sleep. That was Saturday. Sunday morning I woke up early trying to get to church by 9am wearing the right uniform (I 'm a usher) and had no time for 'what if's'. From the time I put on the gospel station in the car to the sermon at church, God was encouraging and soothing my heart. After the service someone was sharing chocolate cake and it took all my self control not to snatch that cake and start eating it with my hands and mouth! My husband was at work when I came home from church so I was alone with my 'what if' thoughts. I wanted to go over to a friend's house to it all-but went to bed instead (big mistake). Suddenly in bed I came face to face with it... "what if after giving up the foods that I love and making all those sacrifices I still don't get pregnant?" Silence. Deep breath. Silence. Exhale slowly. And then my memory begins to serve me right. I began to repeat the things I know to be true: God loves me, God created me; God cannot lie; God is in control; God gave me an amazing husband; God gave me an amazing family; God gave me amazing friends; God has never failed me yet. I kept going, repeating the things I knew to be true and by the time I woke up this morning my 'what ifs' were no where to be found. Just to make sure that they were gone, I repeated the things I knew to be true again out loud to my husband. Then I went on with my day with not a 'what if' in sight! It was truly a close call but I'm back on track again .

I love it when a plan comes together!

It worked. I got everything I needed done and had time to take care of me. Had a great hormonal balancing meal (that is what I am calling my no carb diet now), and ran for 45 minutes. I am so glad that I can be busy without neglecting my plan. I'm starting to be less and less conscientious and more back to my old self. I don't feel odd about eating meals without carbs anymore and I don't feel strange about referring to my online doctors (who are really nurses) when I have medical questions. I am okay with being a little different (and even a bit odd), but make no mistake I take my health seriously and am still determined to do my part while God does His!

Now that I know my plan does work; I just need to keep on working it. They say, (i have no idea who they are-so don't ask) it you do something for 15 days it becomes habit. Okay, 1 day down 14 to go....