The What if's...

I came down with a sudden case of the 'what if's syndrome'. What is that you ask? Well the 'what if's syndrome' is when you begin to view everything you do as if it's going to fail. But instead of coming out and just telling yourself its going to fail, you ASK yourself what happens if it does fail. So this weekend, as I was eating yet another carb-less meal, the 'what if's syndrome' came on full force. I stopped mid fork and wondered..."what if this program doesn't work?" I immediately put the question out of my mine and pressed forward. That was Friday. Saturday morning my 'what if's were right there to wake me up. I jumped out of bed and randomly open to a scripture..any scripture. I don't even know what I found or what I read because my 'what ifs' were so strong I couldn't see what I was reading. I took my temperature hoping to see an increase. A women's temperature increases when she has ovulated and stays high when she is pregnant. But my temp on Sat seemed normal. I took a deep breath and decided to make my already busy day busier. I went from meeting to meeting keeping my thoughts at bay. But that night as I passed up some Dominoes sandwiches and I diligently took my vitamins my 'what if's' came back like a flood. I simply went to sleep. That was Saturday. Sunday morning I woke up early trying to get to church by 9am wearing the right uniform (I 'm a usher) and had no time for 'what if's'. From the time I put on the gospel station in the car to the sermon at church, God was encouraging and soothing my heart. After the service someone was sharing chocolate cake and it took all my self control not to snatch that cake and start eating it with my hands and mouth! My husband was at work when I came home from church so I was alone with my 'what if' thoughts. I wanted to go over to a friend's house to it all-but went to bed instead (big mistake). Suddenly in bed I came face to face with it... "what if after giving up the foods that I love and making all those sacrifices I still don't get pregnant?" Silence. Deep breath. Silence. Exhale slowly. And then my memory begins to serve me right. I began to repeat the things I know to be true: God loves me, God created me; God cannot lie; God is in control; God gave me an amazing husband; God gave me an amazing family; God gave me amazing friends; God has never failed me yet. I kept going, repeating the things I knew to be true and by the time I woke up this morning my 'what ifs' were no where to be found. Just to make sure that they were gone, I repeated the things I knew to be true again out loud to my husband. Then I went on with my day with not a 'what if' in sight! It was truly a close call but I'm back on track again .