Battle the mind

I've read that PCOS causes depression.  I'm sure one of my many doctors may have mentioned this to me to as well.  This month I have found it to be absolutely true.  I am usually an upbeat person,  although i can get down I don't ever stay down and its always been easy to bounce back up.  However May was a battle.  I struggle and struggle to keep from drowning in depression. It was as if a deep darkness was trying to envelope me.  It started with every thought of my mind being negative.  My mind was turning against me and it refused to generate anything good.  Somewhere in the Bible it says that you have to take every thought in captivity.  That means you have to take hold and control your thoughts.  I realized when you allow your thoughts to run wild you're in danger of depression.  Of course thoughts can be both good and bad but either way you have to take control them.  You can't let your mind run you. You run your mind. When those thoughts come to take you down, you take them down.  Fight back with positive confession, exercise, and a strong spirit man.  Let the goodness of God in you be stronger then the negativity around you.  Trust me when I say that there are going to be some very low days-but don't let those low days, turn into low weeks, low months or low years.  If you need to talk to someone don't hesitate to reach out and be heard.  One of the things you should always remember when the circumstance of life wants to take you down is that no matter the situation, as long as you have breath in your body, things will get better...yes, things WILL get better.

Reminding myself that I am SUNG

Recently I published my poetry book entitled, Sung Sister, www.sungsister.com.  Although the book was in the making over a number of years publishing it this year was perfect timing.  Sung Sister is a woman who has been through some very difficult seasons and yet she is able to turn those seasons into a song.  When she finally gets a chance to release that song out of her, she transforms into a new woman, who is more confident, who is free, who is strong and who is able to face any storm.  Today I have to remind myself that I am Sung; that I am that woman! April and May have been stormy, the news on my journey has been tough and stressful.  But I am a Sung Sister- there is strength deep within me and I can press on.  I won't quit, I won't give up, I won't stop dreaming, praying and hoping for my children.  I won't give in to the negative reports, and negative results.  I know the best is still yet to come.  I will sing failure into sung life...I will sing my sound even if no one sings along, I will sing my song until I am sung...
Sung Sister, pg 38

What NOT to do on Mother's Day Weekend....

I went to the doctor on the Friday before Mother's Day and that probably was not what I should have done.   My mind became fixated on what the doctor told me, rather than what I believed in my heart.  It felt like a set up; as if i was being lifted up high just to be dropped.  Needless to say, I landed hard.  This journey has ups and downs.  God has been faithful and I have mostly been up, but on the rare occasions that I've been down, I learned a few pick-me-up lessons:

1. Answer your phone...people are calling because  they care
2.  Sing.  No matter how you're feeling, a good Gospel song can help
3. Think of others.  There are other people who have been on your journey longer then you, think of their pain, and pray for their joy
4. Feel like crying, than cry. Sometimes you just need to release the bad news through tears
5. Remember everything is just a season.  No matter how gray, how cloudy, how dark it may look today, the season will change

SPRING TIME!

Yes! Spring is finally here.  I know it's been so long since I've blog about my journey.  Sometimes you just have to be still.  I needed a quick break from writing about it.  When your facing a difficult route, you need a time-out; not blogging was my time out. Besides, it was a really cold, snowy and gray winter, I was hibernating. In any case that season is over, and now everything is green and beautiful.  So how have I been? Good. Really good.  I'm still taking my vitamins and doing the best I can for my body.  A support group for women trying to get pregnant was started at my church and it's been great. My husband came with me once, and it was the most eye opening experience ever.  As the other women watched in complete silence, each with their own story, their own heartache and their own tears, my husband spoke from his heart in a simple emotional voice, " I love my wife" he said, "I love my wife so much and I am not worried about not being able to have children, I know we will have children.  I am only bothered when my wife is bothered, when she is in pain, I am in pain because I can't watching my wife be in pain." He went on to explain a bit of our journey but in that moment all I heard was God telling me how I blessed I was to be given such a husband that can look a dessert land, and only see lush green life. Yep, my season has definitely changed!

Snow Running

This winter the DC area has been hit with constant snow.  Everywhere is icy and days are dark and cold.  So how does a lover of out door running make it? Well, unfortunately I have little choice but to take refuge in a gym.  At the beginning of the winter I thought the worse of the weather would blow away quickly.  But with each snow storm, my hopes of getting back outside turned grim.  So I hit the gym down the road from me, ipod and towel in hand.  If you recall, I hate the gym, the air is stagnant, the machines bore me and the sweating people overwhelm me.  But this winter having little choice I had to take a second look at the gym and make it work!  Here are a few tips I picked up that helped me enjoy the gym experience during DC's snowmaggdon:

• pick a gym you actually like
• try various machines until you find the one that fits your work out needs
• play you favorite music
• pay no attention to the body building-no fat-already too skinny-just stepped out of a magazine-woman who is running next to you!
• Remember that not exercising is not an option 

Diet no more

A lot of people have been asking me how the diet is going. The answer is surprisingly well! I mean really well. They say if you do something consistently for 15 days in becomes a habit. Well who ever 'they' are, they're right. I don't feel like I'm on a diet anymore. Low carbs is simply how I eat. For instance this morning I had egg-green peppers, hot peppers and Gorgonzola cheese omelet wrapped in wheat pita, accompanied by half a glass of orange juice. It was nutritious and delicious! For lunch I made a spinach salad and I will pick up a natural juice of carrots, beets, spinach and grapefruit from my favorite juice place in DC. It's a place called juice joint located on K and 15th- it's pricey but worth it. For snack I will have some nuts or some fruit and for dinner I will make brown rice with curry chicken breast. I've lost weight since changing my eating habits and generally feel really good. The only thing I'm worried about is not losing too much weight. During Thanksgiving I will see my nutritionist (who is also my sister in law) and determine a healthy weight for my age and height. For those of you who are wondering if I will return to a doctor that I can actually see and who can see me, as oppose to the consultation via email, the answer is yes. I have some great recommendations and I will make an appointment to see someone likely before the year is over.  Have great day all!

New Post, New Rules, New Reasons

My last post was September 4th.  I could say that I was busy with work and side projects.  But that would be untrue.  The reason that I have not written a post is because this journey is so personal and emotional, putting it out there for the world leaves me vulnerable-and that is scary.  However lately I have been thinking that this journey is not just about me.  Many women are going through some difficult situations and I want them to know that they are not alone. 

So my new commitment is that I will write at least twice a week without fail or excuse.  As always I will remain truthful in my post.  I will also do more to spread the blog out (going beyond my family) so that it can reach and change the lives of others.

Having said all that, I guess I should give a quick update on how I've been since September 4!  Well, my period did come in September and I was happy.  I had no cramps and I was genuinely thankful that it had come. My period also came in October.  Although I had very little cramps I was an emotional mess! I cried.  I cried partly because the cruelness of premenstrual symptoms mirrors early pregnancy symptoms and I cried because I didn't know what else to do.  Up until that point I felt like I had a game plan...doctor visits, change diet, take vitamins. But suddenly I am at a place where I feel I have done all that I can do.  Like the song says, at that point all you can do is stand.  Of course the Big God I serve always comes through in the midst of any despair and dried up my tears as quickly as they came.   I also had yet another opportunity to draw closer to my husband.  Our love continues to grow so strong-we are truly one flesh and our love has no limits.  So as ONE flesh, serving ONE God we STAND.